North American farmers are facing an unprecedented siege of low prices. The economics of farming are poor. It takes a lot of money to farm - whether it be land payments, repayment of operating loans, the high costs of inputs, and high cost of living. Income from crops doesn’t begin to stretch far enough.

Family farmers will face a tough go of it in 2000. The prospects for decent grain prices during this coming year don't look good. In past years, farmers could generally count a good price for one commodity covering the shortfall of another. Not this year. Short of a weather crisis during the coming growing season in some part of the world, supplies appear plentiful and demand is down. The export market is flat if not shrinking. Cost of inputs do not fall like the prices of products. It's hard to be optimistic when the numbers look grim.

I sense a deep foreboding, an apprehension that the worst is yet to come. I am not a market analyst. I offer no information or strategy to deal with what looms on the horizon. What I can offer is a view that you can do a lot to cope effectively as an individual or as a family.

I see a lot of people wearing out in farming. They are just even - staying on the treadmill. The common way of putting it is, "It's no fun any more." They understand it's not working and they would like to get out. I also meet diehard young people who believe farming is their life. Some of them are third, fourth and fifth-generation farm people who have dirt underneath their fingernails and hold onto farming like dear life. Their commitment to farming ties in with their identity.

Leaving is an option. This isn’t an ordinary profession or business that one can pick up at a moment’s notice. The debts, assets, tax liabilities, and contractual obligations can be overwhelming. The ideal way to leave farming is through an orderly process that takes place over a two to three year time frame. That is just from the economic standpoint.

From the emotional standpoint, farmers have to give up a profession in which they have spent a lifetime learning and preparing. They have to reconcile themselves to leaving land that has been in the family for generations. They have to overcome their fears of finding something else to do in life that is as rewarding as farming. They have to face leaving a community of family and friends and starting over in an unknown world that won’t care in the same way.

The single-minded, workaholic, perfectionist, hard-driving person who has put his life into his work is usually the one who's going to hang on. This farmer hasn't explored enough of life to know there are alternatives out there. So it's an all-or-nothing proposition. These farmers dearly love what they do and farming gives a lot of meaning to their lives. They are used to being in business and they see working for someone else as a form of slavery. There is a lot of fear about life away from their sheltered, rural community.

On the other hand, the people who are likely to make good adjustments are those who have been college educated or perhaps gone to technical school. They have the confidence that they could succeed in some bit of suburban life and know it isn't that bad. And they feel they have choices in life. Farming is one way to live a successful life, but it's not the only way. So they are not as wedded to the rural ethic as being pure and virtuous and ennobling with the rest of the world being somehow not as worthy.

There are legitimate concerns about leaving farming. Rural people have life-long ties with family and friends and community. Many are willing to be underemployed or fight to stay in agriculture simply because they don't want to disrupt the ties they have. They haven't experienced starting over in life, making new friends and building new support systems. They would be like a fish out of the water. The just can't imagine what it's like to go somewhere where they don't know anybody, where they have no history with people.

Pessimism and depression in rural communities. The declining population in rural areas is affecting folks. There is depression that goes with missing people who have left and the friendship community, which means the remaining people are called on to do more and more. There is no surge of enthusiasm or optimism. Instead there is a sense of loss and decline that affects the general mentality of the people who are left.

There are people who get together and complain - just because that is the way they talk when they're together. They feel a part of the group if they complain a lot. So there is an acceptance level of complaining that is normal. But there are some for which the complaining becomes their whole worldview. They begin thinking they are victims of a great conspiracy. This is what I call victim thinking. It has a powerful grip on the way some farmers think about everything. They feel helpless and powerless. They can become more emotionally reactive to problems because they feel they are being picked on all the time.

Going for help. The people most likely to come in to talk with a counselor are women in stress. Some are assertive enough to get their spouses to come along. Sometimes people just want to hear that it is okay to get out of farming. They know what it's doing to them. They are working way too hard; their relationships are suffering; their family is suffering; the rewards aren't there; the pressure of debts piling up is incredible. They don't have normal lives. They don't have vacations or weekends off. They don't have vacations of weekends off. It's just a hard life. So they feel relieved when they make a decision. They just needed someone to encourage them.

One of the dual messages is for people to be creative and use all of their management skills to get themselves out of crisis. Hang in there. Be persistent and dedicated. Use the usual formulas that count for success in farming. The era of the independent farmer is over. To survive, farmers need to share, perhaps get into some cooperative arrangements and work together. Or else they need to get bigger, and that is a treadmill that never ends.

The second message is this: there is life after farming. A lot of people have made the adjustment. It may take a little while, but things will work out. It's a process to go through as people connect with something else that is rewarding in life. The old family farm lifestyle didn't turn out like it was supposed to, but their new lifestyle may actually be much better for them in terms of relationships, time and stress.

To leave farming, farmers have to turn their backs on their traditional formula for success: commitment, persistence, hard work and faith – faith in themselves, faith in God, faith in a profession where the business cycle eventually turns good.

Here is my best advice for farmers trying to cope with decisions of this magnitude. You can do the following things to manage your stress and stop it from spoiling your life and spilling over onto the lives of your loved ones.

Be familiar with your own financial numbers, equity, liabilities, cost of production, cash flow, and outlook for future prices. Face this reality with input from your lender and other financial advisers. Face problems head on. Don’t hide from the facts. Find your hope - your best scenario for survival – and subject it to a rigorous critique to see if it passes muster. If it does, work to make it happen. Talk about them. Acknowledge them to whoever needs to know. Don't let your pride get in the way of making hard decisions. Others are in the same boat.

flexible. Make whatever changes need to be made. Don't delve into escapist activities that hide you from problems.

Problems and takes away fear. Find out about resources. Find out what you need to know. This year is a new situation, a harsh reality that has to be faced and recognized for what it is. If your existing equity permits the choice, then it is a judgment call whether to fight one’s way through a tough situation or to admit that farming isn’t profitable and not worth emotional and financial risks. Find out about what others know and have done who have been in your shoes. This also applies to communication and conflict situations in the family.

Take pleasure in the new things you’ve learned about life, love, friendships, family, your spouse, and yourself. The turning points in life come from humbling experiences where the only place to go is to your knees.

A positive attitude is crucial. You can't control some of the events that happen to you but you can control how you react to them. Acceptance of losses, setbacks and disappointments helps us deal with life's problems and injustices. Worry about the things you can do something about.

Decide what these things mean. If you look for the silver lining, the cloud doesn't look as dark. Someday when you tell the story of your life, some of your most defining moments, moments that changed you into a better human being, will have happened during times of trial and struggle. Be patient with life. It is a time of deeper spiritual reckoning and dependence.

friends, spiritual understanding, the beauty and mystery of nature, and opportunities to brighten the lives of others.

Family coping. Here are some things you can do in your marriage and in your family to help one another.

employment and auxiliary enterprises. If one or both of you are working off the farm, the stress, fatigue and irritability factor will likely strain your relationship. Make sure you are cooperative and supportive of each other's workloads and responsibilities. Even if you have nothing else to offer, you can offer deep understanding and support.

all need a confidential outlet for the things of our heart. A crisis is an opportunity to share deeply with those who we care about.

share the big picture. You need to share the details of your lives. You need to talk through difficult problems and know you can solve them. Your basic goals and values unite you, even if your opinions differ.

cooperation. They can be a bright spot in your life when stress is high.

are thinking and feeling. Many heads are better than one. If you get support from family, it doesn't matter what the world or your neighbors think.

harsh words. Now isn’t the time for blame. Don't withdraw. Don't pick a fight or escalate a fight. If your spouse is angry, listen and only listen. Don't give advice, criticism or respond in anger. Listening is the best thing you can do. Your turn will come.

Some fun, this is it. Make memories. Lighten up. A farm is a wonderful place to have light-hearted moments. During stressful times, distractions, humor, family fun, light-hearted moments, and showing love puts you and your family above the crisis instead of below it.

The keys to successfully adapting to what's going on today in agriculture is a combination of flexibility, good communication, support, religious faith, sense of humor and attitude. People need to be able to move to Plan B or C when Plan A fails.

These are the things you have control over. If worst comes to worst, it won't seem so bad if you have developed a better perspective on life and have grown closer together in your family. It can be a good year. The rest will take care of itself.